What are my filters when evaluating a relationship?Sep 29, 2021
Last week I wrote a piece on beliefs and values.
I mentioned my belief that we make decisions based on our personal beliefs and values…
And I believe this to my core…
As I thought about this belief it felt appropriate to share more…
Here we go, my first two beliefs and values:
1. I don't work with jerks.
I don’t have to, and I don’t want to.
It’s really as simple as that.
And this principle serves me really, really well.
Think about it – who wants to be surrounded by a crew of assholes?
Space balls anyone?
So, anytime I’m considering engaging in a new relationship (personal or professional), I ask myself this question:
Is this a good person, or are they really an asshole?”
If the latter, I’m out… Full stop.
However, if they pass the test, I then apply my second filter:
2. I only work with people that share the same ETHICS and INTEGRITY as I do.
This also serves me really, really well.
If someone easily clears these filters, I welcome them into my world.
For folks I let into my inner circle I have tertiary filters which we can discuss another time…
But, with these two simple beliefs I’m able to create the space I want.
And I’m able to share my time and energy with those I want…
It’s a beautiful thing, and I love it!
But life wasn’t always this way…
You see, I used to be a people pleaser.
I used to hold onto toxic relationships with the belief that I could change the other person.
The reality = People Don’t Change*
So, I did everything I could to cater to other’s needs and wants while sacrificing my own…
And it sucked all of my energy.
Even worse, it didn’t work…
And it never will.
I now believe that we’ve got to take care of ourselves first.
On this surface this may seem selfish.
But if you give it a bit more thought the truth becomes clear…
And in reality, it comes down to capacity…
When you take care of yourself so well that your cup is overflowing you have MORE to give!
Which means you can show up and serve those around you in a powerful and profound way!
It’s not selfish, rather it’s the mentality of a servant.
And that’s what I’m here to do as a coach and as a consultant… Serve.
*People can change, but only if they want to change…AND… if they are willing to do the deep inner work to create a new self-serving belief. This is where I coach my clients because this is where the miracles happen!
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